Reverb

Funny how things come around and resurface in different and interesting and surprising ways. A VIP is back in my life, and it seems to be destiny and fate. Whichever you prefer.

Tearing and Pulling and Stretching

this is how I'm feeling lately. Anyone else? Powerful things are happening in my life that I believe Someone Very Important is making happen. Or letting or allowing. Everything that I have hung on to in my life is all breaking away, falling off, uprooted. It's really hard but cleansing at the same time. I've asked for guidance and this is what is happening. It's really scary and really quite sad in a lot of ways. It's scary not knowing what's going to happen next...not feeling like I have a lot of hands on control over my life and which way I have wanted or want it to go. But this is part of what seems to be the way it should be. Trust and belief...
...But now what?
I never wanted to be alone, but I am. I'm coming to the belief that we all are...no matter if we're in a relationship or not. Or with friends or family for that matter.

THere's so many projects that I have on my mind that I want to do. Life is happening at warp speed but all I want it to do right now is slow down. After going to Squamish this past weekend, I realized I just want to get away....live there, and work in the city??> Hmmm. Funny that. Have a family, work, play, and I wonder if I'm asking too much. SOmehow I think I might be. But I can always dream and have goals.

What if they don't seem to happen? THen you just go along for the ride...and learn to deal with what life gives you the best you can. I dont want to be a bitter person. THat really worries me. But then again...I worry too much...

Right...I look at the opportunities that I have ...and I have to realize that I'm lucky to have the freedom to do so.

So now what. Try to use my talents and abilities for others. And stop being so damn selfish and self analytical...and get out and DO something. Do ya think...? ha.

Try to stop living in the past and what could have been, and try to live in the future, and what could be...

somehow



you mustn't be afraid of death
you're a deathless soul
you can't be kept in a dark grave
you're filled with God's glow

be happy with your beloved
you can't find any better
the world will shimmer
because of the diamond you hold

when your heart is immersed
in this blissful love
you can easily endure
any bitter face around

in the absence of malice
there is nothing but
happiness and good times
don't dwell in sorrow my friend

-Rumi

Love Strike

Well...that title is sticking for me. Yep...I think I'm oficially on a love strike. Guess that's how it is... Seems I need to have time for aloneness. Like I needed any more! But there's a reason for it.

love strike

Oh will I never learn. I keep just going back for more and at times I wonder about myself. Someone so special to me is ..well, the situation is on the last page of a book that could be quite a good storyl...but i wish that it could end differently. But at the same time....it's ending well...as it could be i suppose. THis is someone who means the world to me and to be without.....well lets say that you know that saying....its better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. I just wish to God that it could have been complete.
For whatever reasons it isn't there are reasons why it could be....and that's what plagues me. Also the fact that I got too scared about some things and let it affect someone else more that I could imagine...and I feel like the awful-lest bitchy diva to someone who is the sweetest person I've ever known. He's stuck with me through a lot of stuff...and I suppose it's the last straw now...because it cant go both ways at once. Oh so Unfortunatly.
This is the reason why I think about jumping off a really high building and jumping on to beds of something really destructive ...to convey the point of how distraught I feel that I've not been able to hold up to my end of the bargain like i should.

What can I do but let go like he once let go of me. Willingly, trustingly....so that I was amazed and fell even more.

But things like this are meant to happen for a reason...but I do really sincerely wish that thre was an end to sadness or hurt or guilt or anger ....and all of that....broken hearts...hurt feelings....because it's just not right!

Officially Moving

http://wendychamberlain.blogspot.com

Ready, set, GO

Or..conversely, rock, paper, scissors!! (bahyee, bahyee, bo! as the Korean kids say). Man I do miss those kids. Wierd how that happens.

So I'm going to try to blog here now. It's time to change and leave the past on another blog. The best adventure I've had yet. Who knows, maybe i'll have another one someday.

So now I've been here in Vancouver almost a year allready! I cant believe how fast the time flies! Wowzers! Unbelievable. Went through all the culture shock and all of that for 6 months. Funny how I had all the culture shock here, and not there. Well, really, its not all that surprising if you know me. Heh.

I'm sooo glad for the opportunities that were there for me. It's crazy how that worked. I've learned sooo much about myself and the world around me. And now I'm quite sick of talking about Korea this, and Korea that! Ha! Well to people who don't really care or know how to relate. That's how it is I guess.

I'm wondering how to take my next steps, and what to do with myself now. Hairdressing will wear on me after a while, and I'll want to do more in design. And I'm letting fears get in the way..and it's time to move on, and concrete those goals that I've been dreaming of in the back of my mind.

Whatever happened to my drive and stubbornness to 'do it anyway and prove them wrong that I can do it?" ha. Well, it's time. Cmon Wendy, get off yer butt and GO!

That's it for now folks. Till next time...