this is how I'm feeling lately. Anyone else? Powerful things are happening in my life that I believe Someone Very Important is making happen. Or letting or allowing. Everything that I have hung on to in my life is all breaking away, falling off, uprooted. It's really hard but cleansing at the same time. I've asked for guidance and this is what is happening. It's really scary and really quite sad in a lot of ways. It's scary not knowing what's going to happen next...not feeling like I have a lot of hands on control over my life and which way I have wanted or want it to go. But this is part of what seems to be the way it should be. Trust and belief...
...But now what?
I never wanted to be alone, but I am. I'm coming to the belief that we all are...no matter if we're in a relationship or not. Or with friends or family for that matter.
THere's so many projects that I have on my mind that I want to do. Life is happening at warp speed but all I want it to do right now is slow down. After going to Squamish this past weekend, I realized I just want to get away....live there, and work in the city??> Hmmm. Funny that. Have a family, work, play, and I wonder if I'm asking too much. SOmehow I think I might be. But I can always dream and have goals.
What if they don't seem to happen? THen you just go along for the ride...and learn to deal with what life gives you the best you can. I dont want to be a bitter person. THat really worries me. But then again...I worry too much...
Right...I look at the opportunities that I have ...and I have to realize that I'm lucky to have the freedom to do so.
So now what. Try to use my talents and abilities for others. And stop being so damn selfish and self analytical...and get out and DO something. Do ya think...? ha.
Try to stop living in the past and what could have been, and try to live in the future, and what could be...
somehow
you mustn't be afraid of death
you're a deathless soul
you can't be kept in a dark grave
you're filled with God's glow
be happy with your beloved
you can't find any better
the world will shimmer
because of the diamond you hold
when your heart is immersed
in this blissful love
you can easily endure
any bitter face around
in the absence of malice
there is nothing but
happiness and good times
don't dwell in sorrow my friend
-Rumi
